This week I’m debunking some common misconceptions about Montessori in the early years. I mention these misconceptions because all too often I see people rejecting Montessori for reasons that aren’t even true. I strongly believe that each family chooses the parenting philosophy that works best for them, but I hope that everyone first has the right information about their options and then choose from there! I hope this helps clear up some of the hot button Montessori topics in the early years.

1. Children have absolute freedom

It is true that independence is the cornerstone of Montessori. Providing choices for younger children and making our homes accessible promotes their abilities, confidence and motivation. However, we give our children independence within clear and safe boundaries in age-appropriate ways. We call this freedom within limits. We offer choices and set clear boundaries. Young children want predictability and to know that adults are in control and that their environment is safe. When they get mixed messages about their boundaries, they test to see what is and isn’t acceptable until they feel they can predict their environment again.

For example, freedom is how much to eat meals. One limit is to sit while eating and let the adults decide what food is offered. Freedom is the choice of books to read before bed. One limit is that we read three books. A freedom to run and play as hard as they want. A boundary is where this kind of running and playing (outside) happens.

2. The shelf is the most important part of Montessori

Looking online, it might seem like the materials on our shelves are the main focus of how we practice Montessori at home, but that is far from the case. Montessori is not defined by the shelf.

The most important material in your environment is YOU. Preparation is the first step in everything we do in Montessori. Our language, attitude and response to our children affects us more than anything on their shelf.

Montessori is also about learning with all our senses engaged. It’s about learning through movement, learning through our hands, and most of all, it’s learning about the beautiful natural world we live in. The richest learning environment we can offer our children is not their bookshelf at home, but the natural world around us.

3. Our children eat and play by themselves

While we encourage newborns and toddlers to eat solid foods on a small weaning table, we do not encourage them to eat on their own. A small table encourages independence by getting in and out of the chair as well as reduces dropping and dropping behaviors as there is not as far for food to fall. In toddlerhood, the weaning table provides a way for children to set their own table and serve their own snacks. Our babies and toddlers don’t sit here alone though. We usually sit on the floor or on a small cushion and join them. We also often use a highchair for family dinners and lunches that reach into our kitchen or dining room.

Likewise, it is true that we encourage independent play as it allows our children to concentrate, solve problems, become creative and fulfill their own interests. However, it is always balanced with time together. We often sit right next to them as they explore the games on their own and talk to them when they come to us for feedback, tags or chat. We also spend quality time with them during transitions such as diapering or toileting, dressing, food preparation and cleaning. Although not always in pictures, Montessori is as much about connection as it is about concentration.

4. Pretend play is not allowed

While it is true that imagination is discouraged in the early years, it is not true that pretend play is discouraged.

One reason why pretend play can feel discouraged is because of the emphasis on reality over fantasy. At Montessori we encourage real activities that teach children about the world we live in and give them rich sensory experiences. We also lean towards books and materials based on reality. When young children read books that describe real places, people and animals, they develop a sense of wonder about the world in which we live. Books based on reality help explain the already gigantic world we live in.

When we let young children do their own pretend play, we see them create scenes on their own. These scenes mimic what they see in the real world and in their books. Pretend play gives them a way to work through new experiences and try new ones. When we provide toddlers and young children with what the real world has to offer, their pretend play becomes richer and more fun for them. Sometimes he pretends the toy is with dollhouses and other times he uses the very materials on the shelf in a creative way.

5. Montessori children are not social

It is true that children are not forced to share Montessori. They are also not forced to play with others. Instead, we let the child decide whether to play alone or with others. There are always opportunities for both in a Montessori classroom. We ourselves shape kindness and compassion. We give children the opportunity to work together and resolve conflicts on their own.

Often people bring up the social aspect when children are just toddlers. Toddlers are not yet social beings. Although toddlers enjoy being around people, especially family members, they usually engage in parallel play—playing alongside rather than with peers. Children have common goals in their play until the age of 4. Understanding typical social development adjusts our expectations for children’s social play and lets them take the lead.

6. Children are forced to do chores

Sometimes people see toddlers washing windows or 3-year-olds mopping the floor and think that this has been imposed on them. Instead, cleaning is something we model and incorporate into our daily routines. It’s something that little kids really want to be a part of. At Montessori, we invite even the youngest toddlers to join us as we go about our daily tasks. Toddlers feel valued and helped when they become part of these important tasks.

As children reach preschool age, we encourage self-cleaning, e.g. when we make a spill, we wipe it up. The aim is not to ‘make children clean’ but rather to instill a sense of personal responsibility, care for our shared environment and learn to work together as a family or community. We model it ourselves and help each other as needed.

I hope this helps clear up some of the most common misconceptions I hear about Montessori in the early years home. Montessori looks different in every home and every family. Find what works for you!